The start of a new school year is here, bringing with it a mix of excitement and anxiety for many children. While most kids look forward to reuniting with friends and embarking on new academic adventures, some may experience heightened anxiety during this transition. Creating a calm and reassuring environment can significantly help children start the school year confidently.
Here’s how you can help kids successfully transition back to school, with tips from the Child Mind Institute.
The start of a new school year can be anxiety inducing for grown-ups too. Let’s face it, the pressure is on to get the school supplies, complete school forms, coordinate new carpool, drop-off and pick-up schedules, keep kids on track with homework, and my least favorite, making lunch every day.
So, take your own temperature to make sure you’re not passing on stress to your kids. Make sure you do not overextend yourself at the start of the year and only commit to the things you can handle comfortably. (Maybe don’t offer to bake muffins at the first day of school PTA table, allow yourself the grace to ease into things at your own pace.)
Find time to talk with your children to find out what they are feeling about going back to school. Make the conversation casual and light. Kids often say more when there is less pressure to “have a talk.”
Stay away from questions that suggest you expect them to be anxious (“Are you worried about the new math class?”), and instead ask open-ended questions that allow them to express a range of feelings.
If they express concern or worry, listen seriously. Rather than glossing over their fears (“Nothing to be worried about!” Or “You’ll be fine!”), listen to and acknowledge their feelings. This will help them feel more secure. Validate their feelings, don’t try to fix them.
If your child has had struggles in the past, especially learning, mental health, or social issues, it can be helpful to acknowledge their struggles by being direct and strategic. Past troubles can be a roadmap for future support. If your child is talking about concerns, work together to brainstorm solutions and how they can advocate for themselves.
Sometimes kids just don’t want to talk. And that is ok. Let them know you are aware that things can get stressful and that you are there if they need to talk. There will be plenty of opportunities for conversation as the year goes on.
If your child is attending a new school it is helpful for some children to scope out the situation before the first day. Do a practice drive or walk the route to school, play in the school playground, if possible see if you can visit the classroom, see where the lunch room, nurses office, and bathrooms are.
Things do not always go as planned. Our intention is to have a successful year but as we know, that does not always happen in the way we want it to. Sometimes the road is winding. For kids that have struggled with academic challenges, time management issues, and executive functioning, it is important to discuss a plan on how they can recover from any mistakes made. Work together on what to do when assignments are missed, address avoidance when things get too hard, and the ability to recover from a mistake is an important skill all kids can learn.
If your child needs extra support to make a successful transition, let someone at school know.
Your goal is to set your child up for success, so alerting the teacher, school nurse, or school counselor of any concerns is a great way to advocate for your child. Recognize that the first day or few weeks can be chaotic for teachers finding support from the office staff.
What you want that person to do is not to talk about or dwell on your child’s anxiety but to engage them in some activity. For the first few weeks of kindergarten my son wouldn’t walk into the school building without me until his teacher tasked him with the job of getting her mail from the office mailbox. This allowed him to get involved, be part of the community and took his mind off the anxiety. Some kids just need a simple distraction.
Anxiety about school sometimes takes the form of headaches, stomachaches, or other physical symptoms that make them too sick to go to school. If your child develops a pattern of these symptoms, it’s important to get your child checked out by a pediatrician; you don’t want to overlook a medical problem. If a medical problem is not the cause and the pattern persists, going to school may be the problem.
Consult with your pediatrician or counselor to decipher what other issues might be causing school refusal.
The most important thing a parent can do when kids resist going is to continue sending them to school anyway. This may be difficult, but if we allow children to avoid situations that make them anxious, we can inadvertently reinforce that those situations are indeed dangerous or scary.
Anxiety can be all consuming, it can block out good memories and cast a dark cloud over the upcoming year. Don’t offer empty statements of encouragement and forced positivity (“I bet you’ll love it!”).
Instead, ask them about concrete things they’ve enjoyed in the past. Helping your child remember some of the good parts of school — activities or classes they like, favorite teachers, friends they’ve missed over the summer — can help fight negative thoughts and temper stress.
The goal is to help them focus more on facts about what they’ve enjoyed, and less on what-ifs about what could.